45. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. 11. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. Louis, I grumbled. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Me: No, I dont. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? August 15, 2021. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. 18. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. What are you doing? I asked. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? He needed COVER! Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Because the Army needed heroes too. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. A military captain saying I was just thinking What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. Want more amazing military jokes? How tough? 4. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. They throw out a pistol. 29. 5. So I quit ordering it.. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Stay out of clouds. Speed is life. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". But I am public affairs, I said. Thats Daddy. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. DeFrigNo! But something struck me as odd. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. 40. But I had the last laugh. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. We were a tough group. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Where are you from? Large mahogany desk.. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. A LOOtenant! As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. He nodded. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Whats an LMD? I asked. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. He then made his way to my side. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. [Answered]. Auld Lang Slice Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. 65. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. 1. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. No, we dont, she said. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Anecdotes 1. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Baltimore, said Dad. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. (Hang up. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Marine: Wait, stop. Reply: No, I say again. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Learn from the mistakes of others. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Soldier: No, SIR!. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. 4. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. How old are you? a tenant asked. 41. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Me: Hello? Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Rodrigues? Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. Caller: OK. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Eat up! Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? It was sheer brilliance. SUB sandwiches! Later, I spoke with Mom. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? 17. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Its not weak, he replied. March forth! Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Bad altitude. Then came Dads ships turn. He says, Anyway, enough about me. He is the Founder and . Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. We have one or two in here! All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Aviation JOKES. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform.
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