"There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. They want obedient workers. ", 41. Let's start with critical race theory. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . This Cookie is used by Yahoo to anonymously store data related to user's visits, such as the number of visits, average time spent on the website and what pages have been loaded. Remembering George Carlin : NPR It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. This cookie is used for email services. Toothpicks? I mean, life is tough. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. They've got you by the balls. ", 75. ", 30. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. Everybody says they suck. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. What if I want to have a crappy day? Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. You have owners. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. As politicians and social media commentators weighed in on . After that, they don't wanna know about you. This cookie is set by Akamai. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. They OWN YOU. George Carlin is Back from the Dead to Haunt Trump in Devastating They own and control the corporations. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. "Men are from. After that, they don't want to know about you. On June 24, 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a women's constitutional right to an abortion in the country. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. This cookie is set by pippio to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. "It helps to remember this.. George Carlin - The American Dream - RU Forget the politicians. You have owners. Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. They own you. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Carlin was known for keeping things real, and his funny jokes were sure to get a laugh out of anyone. Nobody seems to care. The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. At all. ", 10. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. "Maybe its not the politicians who suck; maybe its something else. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. Occupy Wall Street activist completely SLAMS FOX News | An unaired interviewfootage, Brand spanking new memes of Bernie Sanders at theInauguration, Bernie Sanders as Grogu (Baby Yoda) from TheMandalorian, The best of Bernie Sanders memes from BidensInauguration, Obama was better at everything Video comparison Obama vstrump, Lindsey Graham states that African Americans can go anywhere in SC as long as theyre conservative, The best description of trump Ive seenyet, Woman with Fake Boobs Larger than Watermelons - Seriously, she's a Z-cup, Houston TX Officer on Trial for Stealing Food from Fridge, The Princeton Random Generator that "predicted" 9/11, The Top 20 Things You Can Say to Irritate a Republican, Popular Toys and Games from the 1970s and 1980s, The Return of Debtors' Prisons - SLUniverse Forums. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. 123 Rocky_Roku 1 yr. ago Didn't he say that he despised liberalism just as much as conservatism? ", 60. This is a consent cookie set by Dailymotion to store the CCPA consent string (mandatory information about an end-user being or not being a California consumer and exercising or not exercising its statutory right). It covers the most famous 'rant' part of the speech. Now having somewhat successfully established my Press credentials and That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. ", 19. "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". ", 66. "It's never just a game when you're winning. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. They dont care about you at all. ", 58. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . This cookie is associated with Django web development platform for python. "Forget the politicians. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. ", 94. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". They dont want to hear from you. You dont. Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. Its you. 28. r/antiwork. I think. You have owners. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. ", 117. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. They should be more vivid. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store the original referrer for the site visitor. #AmericaWakeUp pic.twitter.com/vy2zz0j8DB, Mrs. Krassenstein (@HKrassenstein) July 26, 2020. "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. But once youre born, youre on your own. You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. They will do anything for the unborn. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. It helps in improving the performance. Did George Carlin have the best comedy routine on every political They own you. ", 6. I had an imaginary friend. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. George Carlin's 'Wake Up America' bit went viral in July 2020. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. Trouble is, most of them suck. "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. After that, they don't want to know about you. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). 4. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. He always needs money! Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. "One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. ", 15. You and I are not in The Big Club. They own all the important land. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. I think the life cycle is all backwards. They own all the important land. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? ", 39. ", 27. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. Laugh until you gasp for breath. So I don't trust none of them. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. It will not be with jack-boots. Like the public. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. ", 90. - Gin Wigmore. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. They should be giving their money to you. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. But once the child is born? George Carlin: Back in Town (1996) - George Carlin as Self - IMDb ", 21. -George Carlin There you are. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. No nothing. I like people who buck the system. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. 'He's two' will do just fine. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. God has a three-day weekend. Quote by George Carlin: "Forget the politicians. The politicians are In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. Theyre not interested in that. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' ", 67. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Never join a group that has a name. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. You should die first; get it out of the way. They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. "Never argue with an idiot. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. The Religion and Political Views of George Carlin - Hollowverse This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. The Monday night crucifixions! Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. ", 47. ", 101. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. "Bulls**t is truly the American soundtrack. Was George Carlin a liberal or a conservative? - Quora "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ", 110. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . George Carlin's 'American Dream' Bit Has Prompted #AmericaWakeUp Well, where do people think these politicians come from? You don't. You have no choice. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. ", 79. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. ", 33. leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? 125 George Carlin Quotes to Make You Laugh, Smile and Think Well, where do people think these politicians come from? No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. ", 46. George Carlin: 'Politicians don't actually say things, they INDICATE ", 7. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. It takes up a lot of your time. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. When a . Lobbying, to get what they want. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. ", 112. ", 95. ", 81. And they all vote. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. That doesnt help them. "In America, anyone can become president. They are irrelevant. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. You know what they want? December 2, 2015, 3:27 PM. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. This information is used to pick out ads delivered by the platform and assess the ad performance and its attribute payment.
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