An underlying, undetectedmental health issue can affect sex drive. . In the real world things are very different. We married late, were both 40, and our sex life was fantastic. Im too tired. So Mike, I dont know what to say. My wife never initiates any form of Intimacy let alone Sex. I dont care what age this happens to a man, somehow the blame goes to the woman for not looking her best,gaining weight, busy with the kids, not willing to give oral sex and the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. If youre living with a gut feeling that your wife avoids intimacy on purpose, it may be time to take matters into your hand to rejuvenate your relationship. Do you feel my wife never initiates intimacy? This is a huge problem, how can I live with someone who feels this way? Even when a man has had prostate cancer, as my husband has, that does not mean he gets a free pass to close up shop and put his wife on the shelf the rest of her life. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. Gopa explains how such mental health issues can affect your physical intimacy. My wife and I lost our beloved son several years ago. What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. I have come to that conclusion also. The sooner you understand what it is youre going through, the quicker youll be able to address it. He (so far) said no. (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. He thinks that his low testosterone is the cause of his actions or lack of. My husband and I are working on these issues now, and it takes some serious ,painful discussion. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. var d = document, s = d.createElement('script'); And perhaps. I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. You can be honest while also being flexible and compassionate. Why would he ever have too? When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. Regardless of the reason your wife has pulled away from you, you must confront the situation. If both parties dont want to change things (and only one does) then unfortunately the situation is probably doomed. Most women are unforgiving and never say theyre sorry for the crap they pull, and stop providing or enjoying sex on that basis. I had a few clients who had a baby and found it difficult to start getting physically intimate with their spouses again because theyre not comfortable with their bodies, says Gopa. OATS and Senior Planet are charitable affiliates of AARP: | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy. You should be glad that your wife is still with you your ass would have been out the door the first time you ever tried to tell me what to do oh and by the way Ive been married 20 years and my husband has NEVER told me what to do we both have great paying jobs and are very independent I have a Daddy and he stopped telling me what to do when I was 17. What shes done to me all these years was downright evil ! For many of us who have exhausted talking to our partners, asking to have their normal needs met, to be loved and shown love and to be valued and desired but have been met with silence, stares, okay, not interested, I am not in the mood or sleeping in separate rooms, your partner has betrayed your trust and your marriage with emotional and sexual blackmail. I feel very bitter about it and although there have been compensations in our marriage- children and now grandchildren I have found her lack of interest difficult to cope with. why is he grumpy? My wife lost interest in sex years ago. Sex is supposed to be for the mutual benefit of both partners, not one person using the other. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. Have affairs and visit escorts. so I started to do it. We have tried everything ( I mean everything ) but nothing seems to work and Im getting desperate! Who gets up and takes card of them? Does your wife struggle with self-love? I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. Its like shes ashamed of her vagina. A woman who feels that shes living with a man whocant regain her trust after cheating will most certainly have problems connecting with him on an emotional as well as physical level. Answers where we can talk about it or Im busy right now. Nothing physical. That partner who ignores your tears and tender pleas do not seem to mind your needs going unmet. I dont have a problem with a sexless marriage, in fact I created it in our marriage. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. I would be gone before dark! Share This: Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors? Somehow I thought that would be my fix. Take the good with the bad. U have no choice but to leave!!! She can just kiss my butt. If you notice your wife acting awkward or becoming extremely tense when you try to touch her, it means she is not liking the fact that you are being physical. In case you have nothing to hide, work on communication exercises with your partner to be able to tell her that there is no need for trust issues. I have tried everything too, to no avail, things only get worse, not better. Hello Elle, I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. accuse me of not loving her enough, if I had to cheat back. }; She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. I have suffered from severe sexual dysfunctions all my life, since I started having sex as a teen. But it should not stop like this as it hampering your life. This causes them to shy away from physical intimacy. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. Addressing these issues will likely buoy your sex life naturally. He wears it and with a little imagination it can work just like the real thing. Guess were done here . Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. Then she was diagnosed with scleroderma shortly before I had a kidney transplant. My sex drive is strong but now my boyfriend, who is 5 years older than me, is on hypertension medicine and his testosterone is on the last number of normal. Lets separate then.NO! . I so desired to be held, touched, kissed deeply and often, all the things that love should be about, but it wasnt to be. 2. Sucks to be me, right! Where is my man who would COOK, and have me for dessert?CLEAN! We are both active and healthy. I was in bed for a week with complications and ended up in the ER and the doctor said given my reactions my risk for stroke is 25% higher using Testosterone but I still get told I need to think of her and give it another try. If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. This is hard, because of my upbringing and the fact she is a wonderful person in every other way. My other half sees it as rejection and makes angry threats. It might be time for you to be more responsible and let your wife have some me-time. Pamper her with a spa day or take her out on a nice vacation for two, to break the monotony and give her the relaxation she truly needs and deserves. I was looking forward to my sexual freedom and massive quantities of sex and orgasms. How about just being happy with love and affection? I hear you bro. Wake up. Illness, marital issues, motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. Wills comment is more true than not (and certainly not far from true). I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. I am 65 and raring to go and caopable of satisfying a woman in her 30s. . I quit sex because I didnt want to put with name calling and her being boring. We still find a way a couple of times a month, but it took my husband a long time to not feel he was at fault. 3, stop calling her names and no more fights with give you more chances of having sex with her that night. Most women, especially in our age group, only experience responsive desire. He's a great dad, and a considerate husband. Perhaps there's a desire discrepancy between you, whether in general or just at this particular time in your lives, and you're both very aware of it. Brilliant. What we have Ive worked very hard to achieve. 5 minutes of his time now and again isnt much to ask! Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? 1 use and money making business on the internet. Same for women who refuse to engage in sex with their partners. We were together for 14 years. I am dry (we tried lubricant) and hes small (always been, but seems more so in his 60s) and he doesnt get or stay very hard at all. Denied the enjoyment, should they be expected to put the same effort into the preparation? I am 52, married for 25yrs and sex has dwindled down to once every year or two. I cant imagine a marriage/partnership where that wasnt the case. Harley, yeah I believe men are more likely to complain then women in places like this. Yes, its so hurtful and completely discouraging. that you would love to have *that* him back in your life. Weve all heard the answer to no Sex is stop having Sex? I demonstrate my love for her in so many ways, little notes, letters, flowers messages in song, other women including young women I work with say they would love to have someone who loves and respects their partner and relationship like I do. But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some. I pay 90% of the bills, cook most of the meals, and clean (wash my own cloths). Now whats so hard about that. We lost our virginity to each other well before our marriage so often, in fact, that on our wedding night we decided we were too tired from the events of the week and just went to bed to sleep. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. If your wife never initiates physical contact, it could be that horror of horrors you may be bad in bed. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. . But wasnt it lovely when we were young and lithe and our bodies would do anything we asked of them? Never thought it would happen to me, but it has, plus some other medical problems that leave me exhausted. * Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. Divorce is not an option, But when the second son moves out to college there is an option I take his bedroom AND there is an option I go on an extended car road trip for a few months. Living alone would reduce frustration of a non-response. Be true to yourself, and your children. But then she had a full hysterectomy to further reduce her hormone production, and from then on, sex has all but stopped. Still, feeling like your wife doesnt want sex anymore? Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. Addie I urge you to seek help now. I know that it sounds crazy but I never thought about it but that part of our problem came to a head after our 35 year old son (our only child) was killed in an on the job accident. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. Due to bi-polar, I have had a strong sex drive since I can remember. You need boundaries to actively live yours in a healthy manner without them in your bedroom. Very sad!!! He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! I am 55, my husband is 59. I lived with her for a year after a very contentious divorce from the mother of my children who cheated. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. Stay with it, work on it with her. All rights reserved. If you are not. this.page.identifier = PAGE_IDENTIFIER; The guy is obviously attracted to you and enjoys your company or why the 30 year dating? She tricked me, I fell in love, we have 4 grown awesome me, the model relationship in our large family. About 10 % Love 90% Hate. Particularly in marriages between men and women, women still do the vast majority of household labor and childcare, even when both partners are spending an equal number of hours at work. I am NEVER ENOUGH so why even bother? And that's perfectly fine! If you put her down and belittle her confidence, you cant hide behind something like, My wife rejects me all the time, she adds. Im at a loss for words. Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. I really just want to be wanted the way I want her, sexually or not, to just be valued as a committed, loving husband. 4 Things to Teach Your Kids to Stand Up For, 5 Things Teens Need But Wont Ever Ask For, 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood, 20 Great Conversation Starters for Great Marriages. Not easy for her to open up and talk about thingsbeen that way all of our married lives..43 plus years. However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. Instead, tell her how much you love being intimate with her, not only because it feels great but because it makes you feel more connected to her. When's the last time you two had a long, heartfelt conversation? I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. Thats crazy my husband is the one who is lacking in wanting orgasms, I still need them daily so I continue with out him, I am tired of all the good years I wasted on him waiting lol our kids are grown and gone I still love sex! Once the women have these needs fulfilled the sexual desire for the man that gave them all the things they desired goes away. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. Frankly, Im ready for a change of scene because this is like living with someone who it seems might be happier living off by himself. She didnt. 2. He (so far) said no. You can bring up your feelings about the importance of sex in your relationship so that she knows and can let you know what she has the capacity for. We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. A dip in intimacy can be brought on by several factors new responsibilities, changing priorities, biological and physiological changes. She has rejected counseling and even criticizes my masterbation or porn. Suddenly it all makes sense. I mean, we have a nightly generic kiss and slight hug say goodnight. When theres a disconnect and communication gaps that lead to resentment, the hostility will make itself apparent in some way or the other, says Gopa. I am afraid Buck is correct. In other words, pressure makes for bad sex even when you actually end up having it, and all that pressure and bad sex might make your wife just lose interest in sex completely. Please explain to me. I used to ride, but geez that gets old and is still a problem because of the size and lack of hardness. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. Sure. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. If you build sex up to be a giant deal, youre putting pressure on both you and your wife. It is a great resource for relationship help. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand.
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